Will you go to prom with me? (Matthew Emmons-US PRESSWIRE)

Happy Birthday Mike Trout

Of all of the birthday posts I’ve written, this one is the most important. Not only is it for the AL MVP but it’s a significant birthday too. The best player in baseball is finally of legal drinking age. Mike Trout turns 21-year-old today.

I’ve written so many words about Trout already, I’m not sure there’s anything left to say. He went 2-3 with three stolen bases in the win against the A’s Monday night and it was kind of a boring night. He didn’t jump four feet over the wall to rob a home run or even hit a monster shot opposite field.

He leads the league in average (.348), runs (86), steals (36), wRC+ (186) and love letters sent by me. He has the best wins above replacement in baseball whether you look at Fangraphs (6.9) or Baseball-Reference (7.4). Mike Trout has us spoiled in just over three months of his major league career. It’s time we give back. Here are just a few of the gift ideas I have for the 21-year-old phenom.

1. A cape. Bud Selig will probably need to approve the additional uniform gear but I feel like he should be wearing a cape.

2. A book of cliches. If you had to knock Trout for anything, it’s that his interviews are all cliches. Hey, he’s a youngster out there just having fun and trying to win games.

3. The AL MVP. What’s that? Oh, he’s already getting that.

4. Fudgie the Whale. I mean, who doesn’t like ice cream cake?

5. A Derek Jeter one night stand gift basket. Ladies, it’s up to you to get this one. But Trout did grow up idolizing Captain Jetes so he’ll totally appreciate it.

6. A bigger mantle. Because you can’t just have awards spread out all over the floor.

7. A sidekick. I got this one, you guys. I’ll have to figure out a way around a few restraining orders.

8. A DNA test. It’s time he knew the truth about what planet he’s from.

9. The race against Peter Bourjos. If only so people will stop asking them about it.

Okay, that’s a round baseball nine. You can send donations via paypal to my email address. If I start a kickstarter, I’ll let you know.

Happy 21st birthday Mike Trout. Oh, and I looked it up. Mickey Mantle died August 13, 1995. So Trout is not the reincarnate.

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