How Arte Moreno Stole Christmas (For Other Fans)

By MJ Lloyd

Blaine Blontz from Call to the Pen asked for a Christmas wish list for every MLB team. Easy enough, right? Well, I’m terrible at directions so the following is what I cooked up. I really hope I don’t get sued. Enjoy.

Arte Moreno hated Christmas! The whole Christmas season!
Now, please don’t ask why. No one quite knows the reason.
It could be that his head wasn’t screwed on quite right.
It could be, perhaps, that his shoes were too tight.
May have been that his heart was two sizes too small.
But I think it was because he had no championship at all.

He stole Albert Pujols from St. Louis
He didn’t even care if they would boo us
Moreno took C.J. Wilson from the Rangers
With no regard for inter-division dangers
He spent more money than anyone knew he had
Just so he could make all non-Angels fans sad

“And they’re still hanging their stockings!” he snarled with a sneer.
“Tomorrow is Christmas! It’s practically here!”
Then he growled, with his grinch fingers nervously drumming,
“I MUST find a way to get a World Series coming!”

Then he slithered and slunk, with a smile most unpleasant,
And sent Jeff Mathis to Toronto as a dastardly present!
This made Angels fans sing like the nerdy kids on Glee.
All we need now is another championship under the tree.

Happy Holidays, Angels fans. And yes, I expect to sell the cartoon rights to that any day now.