Mike Scioscia Ranked 28th in Handsomeness


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The national media just continues to disrespect the Angels. Earlier in the week we discussed ESPN’s decision to rank the Halos as the eighth best team in baseball, and the second best squad in the American League West. Now, NBC Sports has desecrated our beloved Mike Scioscia by ranking him 28th in their recent list of most handsome managers.

Craig Calcaterra of NBC Sports wrote the article, and was responsible for creating the list of men. He laid out a few very important disclaimers in his piece that I would like to steal right now.

"1. No baseball manager is ugly. All of them have inner beauty, I’m sure.2. This is a subjective list, obviously. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Understand that I and others will privately judge you for thinking unattractive managers are handsome, but that reflects poorly on us, not you. Let no one besides you dictate your feelings.3. Finally, because some of you will inevitably offer a neanderthal comment about all of this, let me head it off by assuring you that this is merely a list of aesthetic handsomeness, not one of love or longing. I hate that even in 2014 I feel as though I have to say it, but I will say that I am a totally straight man making these judgments. If you find something wrong or amiss with that, I feel sorry for you. There is far too much beauty among people in the world for us to fail to acknowledge 50% of it merely because we’re worried about appearing less than traditionally masculine or feminine. Free your mind, the rest will follow."

Aug 20, 2014; St. Petersburg, FL, USA; Detroit Tigers manager Brad Ausmus (7) looks on from the dugout against the Tampa Bay Rays at Tropicana Field. Mandatory Credit: Kim Klement-USA TODAY Sports

Brad Ausmus seems to have a firm grip on the number one spot after leading the Detroit Tigers to the postseason in his debut season. It is the second consecutive year Ausmus has been the atop the list, and this is unlikely to change anytime soon. Mike Matheny of the St. Louis Cardinals is the first runner up in this beauty pageant for the title of most handsome manager. Surprisingly, 60-year-old Ned Yost is tied with Robin Ventura for third on the list. I contend a Russian judge must be involved in the scoring.

Since Mike Scioscia is ranked 28th, that means there are two managers considered less attractive than our main squeeze. Bruce Bochy of the World Series Champion San Francisco Giants comes in at 29. Reports suggest Bochy’s head is so massive that he has to have his hats custom made. Some would argue that winning three World Series titles in five seasons is the reason for his unusually large noggin, but my sources indicate genetics are to blame. 57-year-old Clint Hurdle of the Pittsburgh Pirates takes home the booby prize. Hurdle has somehow managed to overcome his looks to become one of the better skippers in the game.

Admittedly, Mike Scioscia will never challenge for People Magazine’s Sexiest Man Alive. However, Scioscia does possess a smile that could light up a room, perhaps a small room, but still a room. It is interesting to note that two of the most successful managers in baseball, Scioscia and Bochy, are ranked in the bottom three in handsomeness. I have always believed people are attracted to successful people, but apparently this rule does not apply to Mr. Calcaterra. This is probably the only rankings of skippers this offseason that has Bochy and Sciocsia in the bottom three of anything.

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As per usual, the Angels’ manager is exactly right. Mike Sciocsia’s managerial record is amongst the best in baseball, and there is nothing sexier than winning a World Series title. Sciocsia may not have matinee idol looks, but fans of other organizations would be chomping at the bit to have him as their skipper.

Thankfully, none of this really matters. While this list may lead to some bruised egos in the Angels’ clubhouse, it is unlikely to have any impact on the field. Regardless of his perceived attractiveness, I would not want anyone other than Mike Sciocsia leading the Halos in 2015.

Next: Halo Trivia: Which Angels Pitcher Recorded the First 20 Win Season?